"I'm Not From the Past — I Sweareth!"
An interview with Eli Burnstein
I love getting to hear the origin stories of pieces that I really love, so I asked Eli Burnstein to tell me about his piece for the New Yorker, “I’m Not From the Past — I Sweareth!”. I laugh out loud every time I get to the line, “I’m so from now it’s not e’en funny.” 10/10. We also talked about his book, Dictionary of Fine Distinctions, which is a delightful and enlightening read with illustrations by Liana Finck.
Alright, let’s dive in!
Tell me about the inspiration for this piece. When did you start writing it?
I started tinkering with it in Feb 2020 and submitted it almost a year later. I’ve gotten faster since then, thank God.
As for the inspiration, I’ve always found old-timey language amusing—I mean, “o’er”? What is that?—and thought it’d be funny if someone who spoke that way tried to blend in to the modern world. They wouldn’t stand a chance.
When you’re writing a piece like this, what’s your process? Do you have a solid plan going in, or do you write freely and then shape it from there?
On the whole I tend to write freely, riding the wave of what I find funny about an idea, lightly editing as I go without slowing myself down too much.
That approach can work out well if the idea has good internal logic, but in this instance, I hit a wall. Or rather, I hit it multiple times without realizing that it was a wall: I got stuck part way through, and made the foolish mistake of thinking I could “brute force” my way forward with line edits. So I spent countless hours (days! weeks!) essentially shuffling around the furniture before it hit me: there was something off-kilter about my original idea. In V1, the man from the past didn’t know that he’d been transported into the present; he was simply confused and scared. But then I thought: what if he did know? That would mean he was faking it, that he was trying to pass for a modern, perhaps misusing contemporary slang as a shoddy attempt at cover. That added another layer to the piece and allowed me to maneuver my way to the finish line.
You're exceptionally good at crafting specific character voices. Your writing is always a delight to read, and I get the sense that everything from the word choice to the punctuation is carefully considered. How do you approach the process of editing your pieces? Do you find these specific characters or the overall tone of a piece usually comes out in the first draft, or do you try different approaches until something feels right?
I think tone, like structure, tends to emerge over a series of drafts. It’s there at the outset, sure, but subdued, not quite right. You’re still figuring out the parameters of the thing—what’s not voicey enough, but also what’s over the top.
As for my editing process, I said that tone emerges over a series of “drafts,” but truth be told, I do so much real-time editing that it can be hard to tell where one draft ends and another begins. The tinkering is more or less continuous.
Still, I will take longer pauses, stepping away from the piece before coming back and giving it another pass. And really, I cannot overstate the value of these pauses. It’s what showed me the way forward for this piece, and generally it gives me the distance I need to see things differently—to free me from tunnel vision.
Frankly, I wish I’d learned that lesson earlier because it would’ve saved me a lot of time and a lot of head banging with this piece. I know better now... ish.
Where do you find inspiration for your humor pieces? How do you come up with ideas?
I think bantering with people that you click with can help knock a few ideas loose. Not necessarily in the moment, true, but good chat has a tendency to rev up your brain and get you thinking in a humorous vein. Then you just gotta be ready to catch ’em when they show up. The ideas, I mean. Keep your Notes app handy!
Are there specific humor writers or any particular pieces out there that you’re inspired by?
I read around pretty randomly, but lately I’ve really been digging Lillie Franks. Franks’s stuff is so heady, so clever, but executed to perfection. Consider her latest piece on unhelpful mnemonic devices, or a favorite of mine, which is just an endless list of nicknames for oil. They’re totally bananas, but there’s an attention to detail that’s unmistakable.
How did you first get started with humor writing? What advice do you have for someone who might just be getting started with their humor writing journey?
I got started on a whim! Something stupid about treadmill desks popped into my head and McSweeney’s gave it a shot. So I would say: take your whims seriously. A funny idea hits you? Write it down, explore it, ride the wave of what’s funny to you (yes I’m reusing that metaphor 🏄) and try to keep it fun. If you get stuck, don’t spiral for months like I did—take a break.
Tell us about your book! What was the origin story behind it?
So the book is called Dictionary of Fine Distinctions, and as the name suggests, it explores the subtle differences between commonly confused ideas. So things like “maze vs. labyrinth,” “kink vs. fetish,” “bay vs. gulf vs. cove,” and so on. Each entry is short, sweet, and illustrated by the brilliant Liana Finck who was a pleasure to work with.
As for the origin story, I was always mixing up colors like maroon and burgundy, or lavender and lilac, so I thought I’d spare myself further embarrassment and make a study of it. Pretty soon I realized that colors were just the tip of the iceberg of “things I didn’t know the difference between” and I was off to the races.
Of course the irony is that the book ended up in black and white, so the colors will have to wait for volume two 🫠
I know your book isn't a humor book, but it is format-driven like many humor pieces or humor books. Did your background as a humor writer help you in writing or concepting the book? Do you have any advice for short-form writers who are interested in tackling a longer-form project?
I think my book draws from the same neurotic well as my humor writing: there’s a compressed, zoomed-in, even myopic approach to what’s going on.
But yeah, on a practical level, my humor writing definitely opened the door to the book, since it was on the basis of the former that I was put in touch with an agent, which got the ball rolling.
Which brings me to my advice for folks looking into long-form: get people to hold you accountable. Reach out to literary agents and start pitching your idea. If they’re interested, they’ll ask you to work up a proposal, and that’ll set things in motion. That approach worked for me, at least, because though I like to think I’m a self-starter, nothing’s better than having other people expect something of you. Same goes for the book itself: a deadline, a bunch of people waiting—that’ll get you off your butt.
Where can people find more of your work, and are there any particular projects or news you want to plug?
You can learn all about Dictionary of Fine Distinctions on my website. Consider it for a bathroom near you! And if you like it, consider leaving a review. It really does help.
I also recently started a newsletter (called Oozeletter) but it’s just for the odd update. I’m also on Instagram and Twitter if folks wanna be friends, and you can find a backlog of my humor here.
Thanks for having me, this was great.
That’s it! Don’t forget to check out all of Eli’s work and pick up a copy of his book.
What’s new:
I’ve been on a humor writing hiatus to work on some longer projects, including a pilot called Flemington Plaza that I wrote with my friend Andrea Kornstein. It takes place a few years into a zombie apocalypse and follows a community of people who live in an abandoned mall. I’d love to chat with other humor writers who are writing pilots — reply and let me know what you’re working on!
I’m winding down a freelance copywriting project that kept me busy all summer, and putting feelers out for what’s next. Appreciate anyone keeping an eye out for freelance or part-time contract opportunities in copywriting / editing / brand strategy.
About me
I’m a comedy writer and freelance copywriter living in Brooklyn. My humor writing has been published by The New Yorker, The New York Times, McSweeney’s, Reductress, and more. I’m the co-author of Jokes to Offend Men, which was named the #2 Comedy Book of 2022 by Vulture. I’m available for new writing projects, writing coaching, and nerding out about comedy, so please reach out and say hi!