"Here At Our Crazy Furniture Warehouse, Everything Must Go! Especially You, Ted!"
An interview with Alex Baia
Thank you for reading Humor Science, the newsletter I started so I could have an excuse to talk to and learn from some of my favorite humor writers.
This week I interviewed Alex Baia about his piece for McSweeney’s, “Here At Our Crazy Furniture Warehouse, Everything Must Go! Especially You, Ted!”. It’s a piece that never fails to crack me up, no matter how many times I read it. The tone is perfectly desperate and deranged.
Alex is a prolific humor writer as well as the editor of Slackjaw and the co-host of the podcast, “You But Better,” which I’ve really been enjoying this year as I embark on a journey of self-improvement and taking over the world with my niche humor newsletter.
Alright, let’s dive in!
Tell me about the inspiration for this piece. When did you start writing it?
This crazy furniture warehouse piece came out in the summer of 2019, when I was about three years into my humor writing journey and starting to hit my stride. I began writing the piece on April 17, 2019 at 3:46 PM CDT, which I determined by inspecting the properties of the Mac Pages document, as I felt your question deserved a serious and literal answer.
The inspiration: One, I’ve been a freelance marketer and copywriter for a while, so sales ad copy just floats around in my psyche. Two, I grew up in Colorado, the home of American Furniture Warehouse—which, for a long time, ran these GREAT TV ads where the founder, Jake Jabs, would sit on a couch with a tiger, or multiple tigers. The tigers were always so calm, and I often wondered if they were sedated. Why didn’t they tear Jake Jabs apart, limb from limb? In college, I got my first dining table at American Furniture Warehouse. It was the first piece of furniture I ever purchased as an adult. And when I went to pay, Jake Jabs’ biography was sitting at the checkout. It was titled, “An American Tiger.” MEOW!
I later learned—and by later, I mean a few minutes ago when I googled “Jake Jabs”—that J.J. was so calm around the tigers because he grew up on a farm, and so he knows how to act around animals. That makes complete sense, RIGHT?
I like to think that Jake Jabs’ warehouse was somehow also floating around in my head when I wrote this.
When you’re writing a piece like this, what’s your process? Do you have a solid plan going in, or do you write freely and then shape it from there?
One, brainstorm a bunch of headlines/premise ideas, then pick the best ones and ignore the rest. Two, spin a good premise idea into a rough draft with some paragraphs containing a bunch of jokes and a basic comedic direction. Three, rewrite the draft to make it crisp and tight, with a clear execution of the premise. Four, usually get feedback from writing buddies, and do more rewrites, if necessary, to make the piece better. Five, send it to a humor publication, or publish it on Medium, then move on to the next one!
I do two to five drafts for most humor pieces. Some of them just come out all hunky dory on the second draft, and I’ve got a final version in two hours of writing. Other times, it’s four or five rewrites to nail it, and it takes weeks. The crazy furniture piece was about four drafts (three rewrites).
I'm such a fan of the all-caps and this was one of the first pieces that I saw that really made great use of the style. Was the plan always to have this written partially in all-caps or did you make the decision while writing?
It happened spontaneously while writing the piece, and I felt like it fit the tone and mentality of the CRAZY FURNITURE WAREHOUSE.
Is there anything else you want to share about this piece that I didn’t ask about?
In the earlier draft, the piece went on and on about all this insane furniture they sold, but it wasn’t as connected to Ted. He was this annoying afterthought that they (management) wanted to ditch, along with all their insane furniture. But that didn’t do justice to the premise: why did the warehouse have all this nonsense furniture, to begin with?
The key moment was realizing that Ted was responsible for everything and that he was a duplicitous sneaky shit who used his job as a furniture buyer to play out his obscene antiquing fantasies.
Writing the following line was when the piece unlocked for me and the premise clicked: “Ted, our DEALS are supposed to be CRAZY but our FURNITURE is supposed to be NORMAL!!”
That was the whole game. This guy totally went with a different version of crazy!
Sometimes you have to dance with the premise to figure out, “What’s the precise logic of this premise? Is there a key move or assumption that takes it from the normal to the absurd?”
Where do you find inspiration for your humor pieces? How do you come up with ideas?
I think the human mind is just replete with hilarious insanity, 24/7, in both sleep and waking life, and the key is to take the time to pay attention to your own thoughts, select the funnier or stranger ones, and write them down immediately. Then review them later. Most of my premise ideas just appear in my head with no explanation, and 90% of them are bad ideas, but that’s fine because I write down plenty, so a few good ones will come through eventually.
It also helps to read quality literature and have interesting people in your life—both are additive.
Are there specific humor writers or any particular pieces out there that you’re inspired by?
Tons. I like humor writers with a vivid style who are keyed into their own oddball way of seeing the world. I like a mix of smart, silly, and strange. Here are two Slackjaw pieces that are criminally under-read and demonstrate what I love in prose comedy:
“I Shredded So Hard I Ripped Through The Fabric Of Spacetime” by Molly Henderson
“I Got Hit By A Blimp The Other Day And I Don’t Understand Why Everyone Has So Many Questions” by Joe Harrington
How did you first get started with humor writing? What advice do you have for someone who might just be getting started with their humor writing journey?
I started in 2016. I was performing a lot of improv and sketch comedy in Austin. I wanted a solo outlet for my sense of humor where I could reach people on the whole big bad internet. I’ve always loved to read, ever since I was a terrified fetus who couldn’t read. I tapped into my primal desires, and writing literary comedy just felt right.
My advice to newbs: Do your reps. Write a lot of humor, and get into a good writing group so you can improve faster.
In addition to humor writing, you're also the editor of Slackjaw. Can you describe Slackjaw's editorial point of view? What should writers keep in mind when submitting to Slackjaw?
We like well-crafted premise humor that’s not afraid to get weird. We place an emphasis on evergreen stuff that stands the test of time rather than topical news-oriented humor.
Also, I believe in humor POV variety, and freedom of exploration and thought. You see where I’m going with this, right? I don’t care if you’re pro-Jake Jabs or anti-Jake Jabs. I respect the craft and would love nothing more than to publish a pro-Jabs and anti-Jabs piece in Slackjaw on the very same day. That’s my top editorial fantasy.
Anything else you want to add about humor writing, comedy in general, or anything at all I didn’t ask about?
Did Jake Jabs avoid being mauled because of his farm experience, or is that a cover story? If anyone has a good hypothesis on how Jake Jabs avoided death at the claws of his tigers, holla at me. I am HIGHLY open to any and all conspiracy theories.
Where can people find more of your work, and are there any particular projects or news you want to plug?
Thanks for the interview. I enjoyed it!
All my creative stuff: www.alexbaia.com
I co-host a comedy podcast called You But Better. It’s the #1 self-improvement podcast on the planet and we’ve received over 10 thousand hi-fives from presidents, CEOs, and super-models.
Take 90 seconds to listen to the teaser trailer.
Then, please give us a follow on your preferred podcast app. You won’t be disappointed!
That’s it! Don’t forget to subscribe to Alex’s podcast, submit your work to Slackjaw, and avoid Ted’s furniture choices.
What’s new:
Last call for my online workshop, Crafting Character Voice in Humor Pieces, coming up on Tuesday, August 22nd. Come meet fellow humor writers and learn some tips for branching out into new styles in a supportive, encouraging environment.
This piece by Eli Burnstein made me laugh so hard I cried: “XII Reasons Roman Numerals Are Better Than Arabic Numerals.”
About me
I’m a comedy writer and freelance copywriter living in Brooklyn. My humor writing has been published by The New Yorker, The New York Times, McSweeney’s, Reductress, and more. I’m the co-author of Jokes to Offend Men, which was named the #2 Comedy Book of 2022 by Vulture. I’m available for new writing projects, writing coaching, and nerding out about comedy, so please reach out and say hi!