"Eight Things I Wish I’d Known in My Twenties Before I Blew My Life Savings on an Alpaca Farm"
An interview with Graeme Carey
Hello and welcome to Humor Science, the newsletter I started so I could have an excuse to talk to and learn from some of my favorite humor writers. Thank you for being here!
This week I interviewed Graeme Carey about his piece for The New Yorker, “Eight Things I Wish I’d Known in My Twenties Before I Blew My Life Savings on an Alpaca Farm.”
I first met Graeme in a writing group and when I looked up his work, I was immediately intimidated because he’s the author of some absolute classics. But lucky for me, Graeme is both extremely funny and extremely nice. You can see that in our interview, when he very kindly points out that I was conflating llamas and alpacas the entire time. For that, I am very sorry, and I will never make that mistake again. Alright, let’s dive in!
Tell me about the inspiration for this piece. When did you start writing it?
I started writing this one in the summer of 2021. I was about to turn 31 and I guess I was thinking back on my misspent twenties, which got me reading some of those cheesy “Things I wish I’d known in my twenties” listicles you see online. I noticed that most of what they had to say was super general and could be applied to just about anyone. Things like “You can’t change the past” or “Stop comparing yourself to others.” So I thought it would be funny to write a super specific version of those lists that could really only apply to one type of person. For some reason, the first thing that came to mind was a guy who decided to uproot his entire life on a whim to start an alpaca farm, only to later regret it.
When you’re writing a piece like this, what’s your process? Do you have a solid plan going in, or do you write freely and then shape it from there?
I usually try to get as much down on paper as possible while the idea is still fresh in my mind. A lot of times I end up writing the main jokes of the piece in that initial brainstorming, and then I fill in the rest later. This one was pretty easy to work on because I could add and delete entire sections without disrupting the flow of the piece.
One thing I’ve learned over time is to resist the urge to submit your work as soon as you think it’s ready (not that I’m always great at that). I ended up submitting two versions of this one to my writing group for feedback, and they were immensely helpful in turning it into what it ended up becoming. I think it took about a year from the time I started writing it to the time it was published.
I thought that "fighting teeth" might have been something you made up, but then I Googled it and it turns out it's very real. How much research about llamas did you do for this piece, or did you already know some of these facts?
Yes! “Fighting teeth” are very real, and very deadly. I did a fair bit of reading about alpacas, but that’s mostly because I find animal facts interesting. I like adding in as many realistic details as possible, especially when it’s a satirical piece. I remember looking up how much water alpacas need each day (up to five gallons!), how much waste (i.e., crap) they produce in a day (a modest four pounds), and roughly how much it would cost to have one shipped over from Peru (it varies greatly based on the quality of the alpaca). I wouldn’t say that I learned enough to open my own alpaca farm, but I definitely gained a greater appreciation for those who do.
This piece was one of the most popular Shouts of 2022, so huge congrats on that! When it first published, did you have a sense for how people were responding to it? Did you get any interesting reader responses?
Thanks so much! To be honest, I was surprised to see my name on that list alongside some seriously talented writers. I have to think the strange title had something to do with it. Also, one of the reasons I took so long to submit it was because I kept thinking no one would want to read a piece about alpacas. I had no idea there was such a big market for camelid-based humor.
By far my favorite responses were from actual alpaca owners who didn’t realize the piece was satire, which is either a good thing or a bad thing. I expected to get a few comments criticizing my unfair depiction of alpacas (apparently they’re lovely animals), but instead most people pointed out how unrealistic it is for someone in their twenties to have any sort of “life savings.” Which I can’t argue with.
Is there anything else you want to share about this piece that I didn’t ask about?
I should probably point out the difference between alpacas and llamas, which is something else I learned while doing research. Alpacas are slightly smaller and have long, soft hair, making them sought after for fleece production. Llamas, on the other hand, have short, coarse fur and are completely worthless creatures.
Where do you find inspiration for your humor pieces? How do you come up with ideas?
A lot of the monologues I’ve written are just an excuse for me to vent my frustration or confusion at certain behavior, like people who drive obnoxiously loud motorcycles (my neighbor), or people who wear shorts in freezing cold weather (different neighbor). So basically I just write about my neighbors.
I also jot down ideas and random thoughts in a notebook throughout the day (if I put it in my phone I’ll never go back to it). A lot of the stuff I come up with isn’t worth pursuing, but it keeps me in the habit of constantly thinking up new things to write about and makes it a lot easier to brainstorm when I actually do grab on to an idea that excites me.
Are there specific humor writers or any particular pieces out there that you’re inspired by?
Oh man! Where to start? I have to mention Lillian Stone right off the bat because she was one of the first humor writers I really took notice of. I love everything she’s written, especially “Just What About the Phrase ‘Don’t Leave Cameron Alone With the Goddamn Cured Meats’ Do You Not Understand?” I also always get a laugh from Lucas Gardner, Eddie Small, Seth Rubin, Jonathan Zeller, Alexis Pooley, and too many others to mention. Plus fiction writers like John Jodzio and Arthur Bradford.
One of my favorite pieces is “Sonny Rollins: In His Own Words” by Django Gold. It’s narrated by the legendary jazz musician, except every other line is about how much he despises jazz (made even funnier by the fact that it received backlash from the jazz community). Another favorite of mine is the grossly underrated Alex Baia McSweeney’s piece “Here At Our Crazy Furniture Warehouse, Everything Must Go! Especially You, Ted!” Alex is great at taking a familiar premise and heightening it to absurd lengths (heights?).
How did you first get started with humor writing? What advice do you have for someone who might just be getting started with their humor writing journey?
I first tried my hand at writing humor in early 2020, right around the start of the pandemic. I really didn’t know much about the humor world before I got into it. I work as a content writer, which can get a little dry at times, so I was just looking for a creative outlet. I was lucky enough to get an acceptance from McSweeney’s early on, and I’ve been hooked ever since. So I guess I have Chris to blame.
My advice to those just starting out would be to read as many pieces as you can. There’s really no better way to learn about pacing, formatting, and just joke-telling in general than by reading what’s being published right now. I also can’t overstate how helpful it is to share your work with other writers, and I say that as someone who resisted it for the longest time. Find a writing partner or join a writing group. It’ll give you some external motivation and help you see things in your work you otherwise would have missed.
Where can people find more of your work, and are there any particular projects or news you want to plug?
You can find more of my writing—as well as a picture of my dog Murphy—at graemecarey.com. I’m also on Twitter (@GraCarey), but I mostly just use it to share my published pieces and connect with other writers because the idea of coming up with original tweets fills me with an overwhelming sense of dread.
Right now I’m mostly focused on getting back into short humor after a bit of a slow stretch. I’d love to try other forms of writing, like short stories and screenplays, but short humor seems to be the medium I’m most comfortable with at the moment. One day!
That’s it! If anyone needs me, I’ll be brushing up on my alpaca facts.
What’s new:
I’m teaching a virtual workshop in August! It’s called “Editing for Character Voice in Humor Pieces.” If you’re interested, here’s the form where you can learn more and let me know what time/date would work best for you.
I’ve really enjoyed working with folks on humor pieces and personal essays the past few months. If you’re looking for feedback and writing accountability, email me about writing coaching. I can give written notes on a draft or a batch of premises, or we can talk through an idea live.
I’m hoping to bring on a few more freelance copywriting clients this summer/fall. If you or someone you know is looking for a go-to copywriter, let me know!
About me
I’m a comedy writer and freelance copywriter living in Brooklyn. My humor writing has been published by The New Yorker, The New York Times, McSweeney’s, Reductress, and more. I’m the co-author of Jokes to Offend Men, which was named the #2 Comedy Book of 2022 by Vulture. I’m available for new writing projects, writing coaching, and nerding out about comedy, so please reach out and say hi!